try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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