It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
