She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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