okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
