He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
