we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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