We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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