I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
