I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
