can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
