dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
