well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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