Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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