Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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