Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
