hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
