shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
