It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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