mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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