All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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