Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
