Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
