he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
