What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
