I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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