well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
