Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
