I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
