i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
