Who wears a wallet chain?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
