About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
