we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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