Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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