The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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