I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
