his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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