I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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