You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
