You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
