I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
