I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
