She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
