i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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