Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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