No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little spoons don't ask big questions
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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