That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
