fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
