i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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