There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
