Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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