i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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