How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
