Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
