So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
