Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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