i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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