Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
