I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
