I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
