Cold hands, warm shart.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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