All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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