I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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