I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
