Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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