dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
